In my debut novel, The Trials of Lila Dalton, the main character takes over from her KC in one of the biggest murder trials of the decade. She finds herself having no memories, no KC, and no knowledge of the case. When I wrote the opening scene, I never envisaged something like that happening to me. However, I knew it was possible. Around the time I started writing, a friend of mine was being led in a murder trial. When I congratulated him, he thanked me but said that he was nervous. Should his KC become unwell or should anything else happen to her, he would have to fill her shoes. I walked away from the exchange thinking “God, I’m glad I’m not him”.
I’m currently instructed by bereaved families in Wales in the Covid-19 inquiry. I’m the most junior barrister on our team. A week before our leader was due to deliver the opening statement, she came down with Covid-19. I was the only who was available.
The call came through on the Friday afternoon: “Can you deliver the statement on Tuesday?”
My weekend plans were called off. I spent most of my Saturday and Sunday crafting the speech.
On the Tuesday morning, I woke at 5am, arriving in London an hour and a half sooner than I needed to be there.
The gravity of the situation settled on me as I listened to Counsel to the Inquiry’s opening. The numbers of people who lost their lives were made plain. A video was played where people who lost loved ones to Covid-19 spoke about their experiences. It helped. I knew what I was there for. This was more important than my career, this was about getting answers for people who needed them.
As the day wore on, the enormity of my task continued to dawn on me. This is probably the biggest public inquiry of the decade. The eyes of the UK’s media are trained on a non-descript building in Paddington. And then there’s me, standing among silks of considerably more experience, eloquence, and intellectual stature.
It was 4pm by the time I stood up to speak. The nerves I’d been cultivating since the morning were still with me but seemed to have lost their potency.
I managed to control my nerves. Normally, they run away with me. The beating of my heart in my chest is sometimes so hard and fast that it causes me physical pain. But I managed to keep my cool. I barely stumbled over words. When I sat down, I was flooded with relief. Our clients came over, bursting with happiness.
Luckily, my experience of stepping in for leading counsel was a positive one. For Lila Dalton, however, it is a living nightmare. Her environment is a hostile one. Her client won’t speak to her, and her solicitor doesn’t trust her. Then she starts receiving cryptic notes, threatening her with deadly consequences if she doesn’t get her client off…
The Trials of Lila Dalton is published by Pushkin Press
